Thursday, July 23, 2015

Not What I'd Hoped For.

Yesterday I had a CT Scan W & W/O Contrast. The results of the scan show two areas of concern. My lower left lung has 3 nodules showing about 7mm in size. There is still an inflamed mass in my pelvic area, but while tumor recurrence could not be discounted it is more than likely scar tissue from the numerous surgeries.

I was upset, to say the least. I sure was hoping for a clean bill. However the nodules are about 1/4 inch in size and hopefully can be removed easily. The mass in my pelvic region is not worrying me too much. After all a surgeon was in that area twice, January and March of 2015 and found no evidence of cancer.

I have been off chemo for 8 months and hopefully an alternative can be found that would keep me off the chemo I was on because it sure had it effect on me.

Terry and I will see the Dr. tomorrow morning and find out what plan of action can be developed. No lymph nodes are involved and other than the three small nodes in my lower left lung and the unknown in the Pelvic region I'm clean.

I feel pretty good, but my mind is playing its games and from time to time I find myself clenching up pretty good as I realize that Cancer is back.

Monday, July 20, 2015

Some time has passed

It is now four months since my last surgery and my start of recovery. When I first came home I had to crawl up the stairs to my bed and I couldn't take ten steps without being breathless. The oncologist I see said he did not think I realized just how sick I was, I think I did.

I still recall lying in bed, so exhausted, in pain and spiritual pain that I kept praying for time to pass. I know with time the pain moderates or goes away and your mind will begin to develop protection from your bad thoughts. You have to go through that exercise though and this recovery was the toughest yet.

Things make you feel good though. My daughters kept telling me about their friends asking about their Dad. That made me feel good. My wife, God bless her, never gave up, was by my side when I needed her, which was a lot at first. I recall one time she got in my face when I made a statement about whether or not I was going to make it. "You'll make it all right, you are a tough person and besides I'm not going to let you die. I need you and it is too soon."

At age 62 when I began this trip with cancer I still thought of time on my side. Now after 2 recurrences and age 70 I ended up with doubts that I have to fight off. Fortunately I still have a wife that is relentless, I have daughters that love me very much, and I have a fellow colon cancer survivor who has become a friend and encourages me. I am thankful for these people.

After four months my mind is more settled although I do get tired at times which leads to some bad thinking. Vince Lombardi said it so well years ago, "Fatigue makes cowards of us all." Our will gets sapped and our strength seems to fade but a good rest or some uplifting success in home projects can reverse the bad thoughts and helps life be more enjoyable.

From a physical standpoint I am still relatively weak but I go up and down stairs quite well. My feet are numb on the bottom and for some reason my fingers tips are numb. My PCP ventured that some of that may be due to the chemo after effects. That is about the only physical side effects I notice at this time. My stoma is working well. I do have drainage from my rectal stump, but according to others in my condition that isn't unusual. It is no longer red, so the insides appear to have healed and it is just a mucous that is draining. I often wear a pad to keep my brief from becoming moist, but I can feel a wet bottom quite often.

All in all, I hope we got it this time. I am recovering nicely and don't have many restrictions on what I eat or do. Fatigue perhaps has the greatest impact at this time, but hopefully as I continue that will improve. A big thanks to all who have helped me with their prayers, thoughts and encouragement.