I've grown accustomed to my pads

The title could be sung to the tune of I've Grown Accustomed to Your Face, but then...

My surgeries have left me pretty much devoid of the sensations a normal person experiences when having a BM. I do not get the full feeling deep in the abdomen. I may get a bloated feeling or some cramps but they can also just go away. I do not usually get much of a sense that I have to go, but when I get the sensation I get I'd better get to a bathroom because I'm going to have some kind of action pretty soon.

When my system gets really upset I can have explosive results that just happen unexpectedly. I can be standing two feet from the commode and can't make it in time.

I have learned to wear pads. It has been a hard transition. At first I kept thinking about how feminine it was. I was embarrassed, even though only my wife knew. However, time and experience has tempered that and I now wear a pad when I leave the house. Even when I work around the house I'll wear a pad if I'm having one of those days where I have episodes. I've been out by the shop and couldn't make the commode in time.

I have a greater sense of when things are OK and when they are not. I've learned to not take a chance.

It does restrict my activities. I eat a meal and I'll wait a half hour or so to see how my system is going to react. Even then if I am going to leave the house for a period of time I put on a pad and carry a spar.

I use Imodium to slow down the bowel activity and it seems to generally work, but even then I cannot trust it completely. However, when the bowel activity is slowed if I have an accident it usually is not very serious and requires a change of pad and a little cleaning. I keep a package of flushable wipes with me, but when you are "out and about" that is awkward. So, I try to really be aware of my system if I am going "O & A."

My condition requires an adjustment to my life style, but seeing I really am a home body and most comfortable around the house it is not big deal. If I have to travel I get a little preoccupied with what might happen, but some thought and my knew found confidence in wearing pads can help a lot.

In the meantime I cannot say enough about my wife. She has never made fun of me. I have some diapers at home when I have this explosive experience so I can sleep in bed at night. Recently my wife came down with a stomach bug and was experiencing that explosive problem and without any concern she got up and put on a pair of diapers. She just takes care of things without much personal stress. It taught me to take care of the problem, don't just feel embarrassed. When I've really gotten sick which seems to happen when I prep for a colonoscopy she cleans up after me without complaint. She is willing to do just about any task to help my situation. She is a blessing.

Support, love, and respect help enormously in dealing with the kind of issues I face.