Here we go again

April 3, day 8 of returning home after major surgery at UAMS in Little Rock, AR. It all started last summer 2014 as my CEA count began to slowly rise. Now this is the second recurrence of a colo-rectal cancer that has been hanging around since 2007.

I started chemo in September of 2014 and it lasted until December of 2014. At first it wasn't too bad, but by the time I got to December I was just a mass of tired, sick human flesh simply was biding his time.

I took six weeks off from chemo to let the body settle down then on January 15, 2015 I went to Little Rock for surgery to remove the now defeated small mass in my pelvic region. It was supposed to be pretty simple surgery, besides it was under the direction of the chief oncological surgeon at the University of Arkansas Medical School. Not so.

When they went to seal the rectum, create the stoma and finish they found a fisstula that was at the based of the pelvic area and was leaking small intestine fluid into my rectal area and then draining out my rectum.

As a result I had an acid burn on my buttocks for five weeks that was excruciating. I was hooked up to a TPM system that fed me through my veins and I never had any food or water for that five week period while they tried to get the fisstula to heal.

The pain was so intense I spent every day either standing up or lying down because I could not stand to sit on anything.

Finally on March 15 we went to Little Rock and I told them I just could not stand it any more, it was more than I could handle and I was entertaining bad thoughts like harming myself.

I was immediately admitted to the hospital, I underwent surgery at 8:30 AM on Tuesday March 16 to remove the fisstula and reroute the ostomy. I awoke to my second recovery and the pain in my buttocks is gone. The ostomy is short and is working well so far and I think corrections were made. But at what expense.

I am traumatized by the surgery, the drugs, the setting, the lack of food. I went in the hospital 250 and came out 204. I am so weak I can barely walk, my stamina is virtually nil, and I feel achy all the time,

However, I have gained four pounds this week, I am walking about the house now albeit I have to stop and rest a lot. I am able to go up and down stairs, but don't yell fire.

I don't sleep well, my mind works overtime stewing over my situation. I am trying some melatonin and even though the Dr. doubts its effectiveness I have found a lot of people who are taking the OTC drug. The best thing to happen is for me to just plod one day at a time and notice the improvements along the way as I usually do, and they are occurring, But right now I am disheartened, feel alone and sick.