Chemo Chonicles

Day One: A Beginning?
May 23, 2011 I have an appointment at the Ben E Owens Radiology Center at St. Bernard's Hospital in Jonesboro, AR. The waiting area is light, open and airy. The walls are covered with plaques of some sort. I have not looked at them as I don't want to give into the maudlin feelings of oh, what a wall of hope, or how nice. I'm too new, and I expect a good outcome from this experience.

Besides I have so far kind of conditioned myself to be at ease, maintain my sense of humor and I supposed I am so caught up in the belief that everything will be OK that I don't really feel part of the treatment scene yet.

Terry is with me. God Bless her! She sits not talking about my condition except in the sense that we go through this treatment, then this surgery then you are OK. She reads women's magazines that contain recipes and articles of interest. Occasionally she tears out a page or a portion of a page to take home some new food preparation to try.

I am called back to the treatment area. I think I know where that is, but this is day one and I'm not familiar with the lingo even though I've been to this lab twice before it has been to see the Dr., not to be one of the newbies beginning radiation therapy.

I am taken to a simulation room where a nurse puts me on a table, lines up the x-ray machine and they take pictures to see if the marks they have drawn on my hips and back align with the PET scan and they are zeroing in on the right target. She takes one photo of me, face shot, for their records. Then while I'm lying on the table with my buttocks exposed she takes a picture of my ass. I have my head in a horse collar type cushion so I can lay face down and breath. I do get her to laugh however when I ask her if she is going to blackmail me by having that picture framed with a Polar Bear rug and printed on the internet.

The x-rays are shot, the Dr. comes in and tells me everything is looking good. The nurse has adjusted the bulls-eye on my ass and everything is good to go. I did break the nurse up again when I replied to the Dr.'s comment that everything is looking good by saying, no one has ever said I had a good looking ass.

After the radiation treatment we go over to the oncologists office to get the chemo pump. Our time to be there is 10:15 or after radiation. We are there a few minutes after 10:15. Now begins the frustration. We wait until 12:30 PM to get into the chemo room. By the time they flush the port, run a anti-nausea drug into the port, wait for the medicine 5FU to be delivered and hook me up to the pump it is 2:30 PM. An hour to burn my ass and four hours to start the poison.

The waiting area has a number of people who are waiting as are we. One gal, fairly young looking, tall, slender and wearing a baseball cap with a bandana underneath looks too young to be there. Some are older people sitting with a spouse or friend. There is a sense of quiet, of seriousness and I suppose trepidation. I see one man, looks like 50's, a big man in a wheel chair. He is in a white tee shirt and red lounge pants. As a young woman approaches pushing him he is wiping his eyes, obviously he's been crying. I hope he is OK.

The tall slender young woman has been here before. She is like an old trooper, reading a book and patiently waiting.

Terry and I are called in. We enter a sparse room with recliners and stiff plastic chairs along side the recliners. There are people sitting there hooked up to IV's. A couple of fairly young men sit at one end, both hooked to IV's and they look too damn young to be there. An elderly black lady across from me doses as the IV does it incessant work.

Finally a nice nurse named Judy comes and explains to Terry and I the process. She tells us about the drug I am getting, a drug called 5FU. She explains possible side effects, however she stresses that they won't occur for a while and with this drug dosage they may not occur at all. I hope they don't, but my body is tense. I have been having bowel issues all day with a lot of bleeding. I still don't really have any worry or concern, but the fact that I am in an oncology center, that the people around me have cancer, and so do I is kind of hitting home. I never wanted to be here. I used to cringe when I would go by a hospital and see the name oncology, or chemo lab. I thought, "I hope never me." Yet here I am. I think my mind is not permitting me to be overly fearful or scared. At least I don't feel that way right now, and I have been sleeping quite well at night.

The day is about passed. We ate a late lunch at Red Lobster, a new restaurant in Jonesboro and one of our favorite chains. Lunch is good, but my bowels are giving me fits and I have and accident on the way to the bathroom that takes my last panty liner out of action so now I am trusting to the luck of the Gods that I have no more accidents until we get home.

Day Two: Nothing Yet

Day two is about in the books. My bowels are fairly quiet today, I've had some peace. I do not feel any effects of the chemo/radiation yet, but I've been told I have about a two week honeymoon. I am tired this afternoon but yesterday was stressful with a lot of waiting and I guess the anxiety of beginning this trip.

Day Three

Arrived about 8:10. Got in about 8:30 and on the road about 9. Met a man who is having 41 treatments and it sounds like he had prostrate cancer that has come back. He made a living driving truck both OTR and Local Delivery. He was enjoyable to talk with and seemed like he was hoping for the best but it was a matter of the luck of the draw. I still find the center pleasant and the staff real nice. The are efficient and quick and you are in and out in a short period of time. I don't think I feel any effects of the radiation or chemo yet, but my bowels sure are in a state. I spent this afternoon going back and forth between the john and my desk. I have gas I cannot pass easily and feel bloated and experience cramps. I'll talk to one of the Dr.'s about that, but it is what has been going on for a long time. I wonder if surgery will help?

Day Four: A Heavy Load

I got to the radiation center at 8:02, at 8:15 I was zapped and on my way. I was low on gas and went to a gas station where I discovered I did not have my wallet with me. I determined I had not taken it with me when I left the house. So I headed back home. About halfway home my cell phone rang and it was Murray, a friend and one of my instructors. Murray had been diagnosed with kidney cancer that had involved the liver and was pressing against the heart. He was slated for surgery Friday. Murray proceeded to tell me that a surgeon had come in and dropped a bombshell. Recent tests indicated the tumor was inoperable. He was given a year to live, maybe two. Another man, my Information Tech was buried Tuesday. My computer instructor has ovarian cancer and while she had surgery there is still cancer in her body. It was devastating. I cannot imagine what Murray is thinking or going through. It tainted the entire day and I was lost. Seemed like all we could think about or talk about was the terrible news that befell and admired colleague. Made my issues look awfully small.

Day Five

Met a man yesterday in the waiting area from down around the Forest City area. He is undergoing 41 radiation treatments. I saw him this morning and he was saying that the last few days he has really been feeling poorly, fatigued, no energy, just sick. He only has two more treatments left and I hope he is OK. Me, I still feel OK. I sometimes sense a little upset in my tummy, but I'm not sure if it is gas or an upset tummy. Nothing comes of it and frankly after passing some gas it clears up.

The nurses continue to be nice. The first dose of radiation I get is through my back to the affected area. The other two shots are from the side. I count the seconds each dose is and the one through the back seems to only be 10 seconds in duration. The ones from the sides are 20 seconds. I asked why and was told the tumor is closer to the back and not so much to go through.

Memorial Day Weekend: An Eventful Freedom

At night I wake up frequently for a bathroom trip. Most times I pass some mucous and have difficulty urinating because I cramp so much. Part of the IBS problem. However, about 4:30 AM I woke from a sound sleep with the feeling that I had better get to the bathroom now. I struggled to get my pump pack from behind my head in the bookcase head board of our bed and apparently tore out the needle from my power port. Now what. I waited until 6 and called the emergency number for the oncology nurses and they determined that we needed to flush the port and make sure it was OK, but they would not attach the pump because there was no guarantee the line was not contaminated.

So Terry and I went shopping and finally waited until afternoon to drive to Jonesboro to the clinic where we met a wonderful nurse named Lea and she flushed the port in my car sitting out side the clinic. It was a bit surreal.

I felt a little odd. It was the world had become a little disjointed to me and while I was traveling roads I have known for years I felt disconnected, as though I were observing a different reality. I talked with Terry about that and she said I am under a great deal of stress. I guess it is a stress I don't recognize, but as she said, "Look, you are dealing with the death of one of your employees, another employee was just told his tumor was inoperable and he had a year, a third employee is in the hospital with ovarian cancer that remains in her body after surgery, plus you (me) have cancer and daily have to come to Jonesboro for radiation and wear a pump that is injecting medicine into you all of the time. In addition you then drive to Blytheville, over an hour away and put in a full days work. Stress, you have a ton."

I guess I hadn't put it all together that way. I do know while dealing with the illness of my other employees the remaining people want me to do the talking, and I do feel a little like, hey what about my issues.

Today ended OK. We had a nice steak dinner. I laid around all day and dozed some. I feel a little more settled and am hoping for a good night's sleep tonight. At least there isn't a pump to pull our and I can get up and down in relative freedom to go to the bathroom. We have to rejoice in our victories however small.

Weekend Respite: But not so hot

No pump, freedom. Not so. I have been encountering a large build up of gas and going to the bathroom quite often. My stools are the consistency of pudding and I have had several accidents. Once it starts to come, I cannot stop it. I've had to come home and change, clean, it has not been a weekend of class. I get gas to the extend my belly hurts, then a couple of nice long farts and I'm OK. I did take some Immodium this morning to see if I couldn't slow down the frequency with which I go and that seems to have worked, however I been quite miserable with gas. I gets is six of one, half dozen of the other.

As a result it has been pretty much a lost weekend. The weather has turned warm, but my activity level has been low cause I can't get very far away from the bathroom.

Tomorrow, back to radiation and to the oncologist to have my pump reinstalled. I will report about my bowel misery, but I'm not sure they can do much.

Treatment 6:

Talked again with the man from near Forest City. Today was his last treatment. He was pleasant and we shook hands and wished each other good luck. Long morning, reattached to my chemo pump and we are at killing the little bastards again. Still drive to work and feel pretty good, but bowels are showing out today. Feel like I have to go and can't. Frustrating and mildly painful.

Treatment 7: Starting to get a feeling.

I am feeling a little unpleasantness around my bottom. Kind of a twinge and sharp little pain. Not really bothersome, but I guess the side effects of the radiation are starting to make their presence known. The rectal bleeding has stopped.


Treatment 8: Get some salve.

I stopped at the nurses station on the way out and got some salve for my bottom. She told me they start out with a conditioner and if more is needed they move up to some more highly medicated cream. Still feel pretty good, but I did experience my first possible bout with fatigue yesterday. I got home about 6:30 PM and about 8 I was crashing. Went up stairs read for a little while and went to sleep. Feel pretty good today but didn't get much sleep as I was mulling over some situation at work. It is Friday, June 3, 2011 and I have two days without radiation. Still feel good.


Treatment 9: A couple from Piggott

Met a man from Piggott who was receiving radiation. He usually follows my time slot. Seems like a pleasant fellow and his wife is nice too. He told me he started losing weight while working in New Orleans and soon had trouble eating. He went to the doctor and was diagnosed with esophageal and stomach cancer. He said the tumor is pretty big. It looks like they are doing to him what they are doing to me, trying to kill the tumor or shrink it greatly and then surgically remove it. I felt bad. He was nice, straightforward and pleasant. We just kind of got talking and he addressed his troubles without bitterness or sadness. I wondered what his prognosis was but didn't ask. We don't ask. We all have possible good outcomes. I hope his is.


Weekend Two:

It is hot here in Arkansas. I went out a little bit, helped water the garden and Terry and I planted a Climatus called Ms. Bateman. We planted her along a dead cedar hoping it would grow up the cedar I was tired Saturday and laid around much of the day. Sunday though was tough. I started going a lot and encountering strong involuntary cramps. I hurt and felt bad much of the day. I am starting to see a rash forming on my head and back of my hands. My butt is starting to burn and I have some ointment for that.

Treatment 10: Monday June 6, 2011

My behind is definitely tingling and my lips feel like they are chapped. These are effects of the radiation. The rash on my face and back of my hands I suspect is from the disinfectant used to clean the cushion I put my face into when I get my radiation treatment. I lay face down. The cramping continues when I sit on the commode and I am having a hard time urinating. I find that after a cramping episode if I sit with my butt on the edge of the bath tube I can get the muscles to relax and then I can urinate. Tomorrow I talk to the Dr.'s and I'll ask them if they can help. I did not go to work today, I just felt pretty punk.

Treatment 11: Heros All!

Radiation then I met the radiologist, Dr. Allgood. He seems to think that a prescription of Vallium would help ease the cramping. I'll talk to Dr. Hightower first he's the GI, but it is really painful now and happens every time I sit on the commode.

I go to the oncologist office, but before I went to the surgeon's office and got my surgery scheduled. Tentatively it is set for August 4th, my first wife's 68th birthday. Hope she has a lucky day and transfers some of the luck to me. Then to the oncologist. What a long wait. I was there
about 10:15 for a 10:30 appointment. Blood work first, make sure my blood counts are OK. I did not get into the oncology treatment area until after 1 PM and didn't get out until 2:30 PM. Gad!!!

Met another man and his wife who were there for chemo. He has Hodgkin's Lymphoma and it has spread to his bones. They say it is treatable but not curable. He was told he has maybe 5 years. He said, "They don't know everything." He and his wife visited and played with another lady's baby, talked with people and were most out going. You could not help but like them. Yet he faces a catastrophic illness with an uncertain outcome. I was in the chair awaiting a new pump reload when they came in. The sat down and had lunch of cheese, crackers, sausage and fresh fruit. Visited with all around while he was getting his chemo. Heroes, yes we all are, we go on as this is just a minor set back and life will go on. Of one thing I am certain, regardless of the outcome, life will go on.

Treatment 12: Halfway!

Started Dycyclomine today to try and relieve the cramping. I felt some ease, but I know it can't be the medication yet. I did have a good nights sleep. However, this morning I had an episode, I went often and a lot. Unfortunately my radiation treatment was scheduled around the episode and I had some pretty tense moments in the radiation treatment center. I made it without a major accident, but it was tough. I felt bad and went back home where I have been the balance of the day. I am cramping yet, a difficult time urinating, and bloating plus some slight stomach upset. Terry, God Bless Her, is taking care of me better than I deserve. She is a wonderful person and I am so lucky to have her as my wife. Saw Al, the guy and his wife from Piggott who was also experiencing a bad day. He cannot eat for the tumor in his stomach and has a feeding tube. He can't eat six cans of sustenance a day, just four and is still losing weight. C'mon God, these people deserve a break. Maybe the treatment is the break he will get.

Treatment 13: Halfway

I started using Immodium more regularly and it has slowed down the frequency I feel I have to go to the bathroom. However when I do go, the skin around the anus is irritate and it hurts to go and to clean yourself. I have an ointment to apply, but you wipe it away every time you go. At least I'm going less. However, every time I sit on the commode I get these cramps that are just debilitating. Then I can't pee, so I have stand, sit on the edge of a hard surface, or squat to get the muscles to relax enough so I can pee. Going to the bathroom is a five minute episode in pain and frustration. At least I've slowed the frequency.

The young man from Piggott was there this morning. I look forward to seeing him, he is so easy to visit with. He has a feeding tube because his stomach cancer is so big he cannot eat normal food. He spirit is good and his girlfriend seems nice and she has committed to staying with him.
Because Terry doesn't come with me he asked if I was alone. I told him my wife is home. He said I don't know how anyone alone could make this program, I agree you need some support.

Treatment 13: Side Effects Kicking In

My anal area is extremely sensitive. I got some Lidocaine to mix with the ointment I already have and it will locally numb the area, for a time. It works. I continue to have cramps that really interfere with my life style. The contort my lower body so much it makes me yell out in pain. Most of the time I do not go, then I have to go through an exercise of sitting on the edge of the bathtub to get the muscles to relax to the point I can urinate. This ain't fun kiddies.

Treatment 14: More that half way.

I made it to work today, but I get tired about mid-afternoon and have to go home. I hurt so much from the sensation of having to go, but I cannot it is not funny. The treatments are obviously impacting my health. But, I am more than half way through. Eleven to go.

Weekend Three: Horrible

Worst weekend of the treatment session, work weekend of my life. Cramping was almost non-stop. I would try to stand, walk, anything to let it to let go and it was painful. I passed some bowel at times. I was able to relax the muscles so I could pee from time to time, but mostly I was in constant pain. If the worst pain I've ever experienced is the pain of a pinched sciatic nerve that radiated down my legs, this is an 8. Saturday night I slept little. Sunday night I was up most of the night with this constant pressure in my anal area that made me feel like I had to pass gas but couldn't. I do not know when I've spent a more uncomfortable time.

Treatment 15: Some Relief


I got some medication from the Dr.'s,  Valium for the cramping from the radiologist and Percocet from the oncologist for pain. They seemed to work some as they eased the pain but they did not relieve the frequency of the cramping and that was very painful.


Treatment 16


It is getting painful to walk. I am feeling upset in the abdominal area much of the time and just don't feel well. Fatigue is an issue, I am exhausted by the time I get back home and pretty much spend the day lying on a bed.


Treatment 17


Had an eventful day. Terry was driving and I began an episode as we got to the radiology area. That means I had severe cramping and passing stool every time a cramp hit. I was able to make the bathrooms, but soiled the liners I had on. We went through every liner and then even had to borrow some scrubs from the radiologist. I still had the oncologist to go and that was going to be hours long. Dr; Blatchley took pity on me and had the pump removed for a few days. But while we were waiting to see him I used a nearby bathroom three times, and then while he was in the examination room with me I had to use the bathroom three more times. I struggled to keep from making a noise but the pain is so intense I can't help but moan and groan. 


We had a horrible experience on the way home. It is a half hour drive and I had three cramps and three BM's while Terry was driving. The last one happened just a little ways from home and was so bad it had me on my hands and knees in the back of the van trying to ease the pain anyway I could. I'm sure it scared the hell out of Terry.


Day 18:


Now the days are just something to get through. My anal area constantly hurts. I walk funny to ease the discomfort and Terry drives every day now as I can't stand to sit still for very long.


Day 19 - 25


All the same. Just get through the radiation and see the oncologist when necessary. They left the pump off for three days, then I got it back on, but by then it didn't really have any increased effect, I was as miserable as I was going to get.